Thursday 24 February 2011

Working in Calgary today --Wash, rinse, repeat

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Calgary today and tomorrow along with Shannon and Jacqui.

Jennifer Aniston has a new haircut.  Really.  I mean, we weren't even consulted before she ran off and did this.  This is terribly upsetting to me to the point that it is hard to function, to think about or write about anything else.

Meanwhile in real news, things have really escalated in the middle east, Gadhafi's Libya will likely go the same way as Egypt, could the Saudis be next?  Remember the soviet bloc crumbled one state at a time as well, starting with Poland.  Interesting times.  Bad haircuts.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Thursday 17 February 2011

Stay with the boat. Always stay with the boat

By the time that you read this it will be day five and still no monkeys.  Will my previous missive, my previous hypothetical question become a practical reality?

Tomorrow we are heading into the rainforest, will travel up river by boat.  I have repeating thoughts that my Nemesis, the monkey prince is waiting for me, he has prepared his army well, he is dug in, entrenched and all I can do is rely on my training and instinct.  Will we forge a détente he and I, or will this task, this Donner quelque chose de Mano y Mano result in the untimely loss of a hat, glasses, or sundry article?

I am reminded of what the photojournalist said to Willard about Colonel Kurtz

"Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say hello to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you -- I mean I'm no, I can't -- I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's, he's a great man. I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas -- I mean --"

And Willard responded not to the journalist, but turned back to Chef and said, "stay with the boat".

Have a good day and always --always stay with the boat.
PBR street gang, out.

Thursday 10 February 2011

Working in Toronto today --What if the monkey has a gun?

Since I usually travel on Thursdays and usually alert you to my plans, I thought it only consistent to alert you that I am not traveling today.

A hypothetical question for you today.  Is unethical to punch out a monkey?

Now I am not asking about an attack on a monkey in a cage at the zoo, not walking up and delivering a firm upper cut on some cute faced primate looking back at you through some bars, even considering that he had previously thrown his feces at you.  In that scenario you can simply walk away or at a minimum just hold someone else's passing child in front of you as a block.  But instead I speak of the monkey that starts the fray by stealing your glasses or hat and dashing off and then coming back for more, much like that really annoying kid that sat two seats behind you in Miss Taylor's 7th grade English class. ..Miss Taylor.. (sigh).

I will also mention that it is extremely unlikely for the monkey to be armed with a handgun or melee weapon.  I only mention this as I am sure that somewhere in Ottawa on the 4th floor Tim Duncan is asking the question, "what if the monkey has a gun?".  I will also mention that I have known two Tim Duncan's, one in Lethbridge and one in Ottawa, both at companies where I worked, and interestingly, both would likely be asking that question, and even more disturbing --I believe they would both somehow be responsible for a monkey having a gun in the first place. Oh wait.  The other guy was Kim Duncan, but the rest remains.

No, the monkey has only his wit and annoying natural speed.  So I think that you can imagine the scenario.  You are in his habitat, but otherwise minding your own business.  Perhaps on a hike through the interior of Costa Rica, when out of a tree swings some annoying distant cousin that takes your hat.  Your eyes track the little bastard from tree to tree and then he swings down again, likely to grab your glasses, and BAM you deliver one cleanly between the eyes and knock him ass over tea kettle.

Now I am not asking about the wisdom of such a retaliation and defence of your property and person, as I am almost sure that the plaintive screams of the injured tail swinging impudent would bring all of his clan to descend on you like a plague of locusts and rip your face and flesh right off of your bones and cause your name to be on the CNN text scroller for a day or so, nope.  Just asking if you think it would be ethical.  Does PETA have a position on this?

Have a good day and keep an eye on your hat.

Sent from my iPad

Thursday 3 February 2011

Working in Ottawa today --The day the music died

I was going to entertain you with a short tribute to the engineer that designed the coat hook on the side of the business class seat on both Boeing and Airbus airliners, but then looked at my flight pass and saw the date, February 3.

On this day in 1959 somewhere near a lake (clear, crystal, something like that) in Iowa, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens (Valins?) and The Big Bopper Richardson and the pilot, (Peterson?) of a Beechcraft plane all died in a winter storm crash.

This day is the day the music died in Don McLean's song, American Pie from the '70s.

If all of this is way before your time, you still probably know the music.  Come to think of it, 'cept for Don McLean is before my time too, but they still had a lot of radio play when I was a kid.

Buddy Holly had many hits,  Peggy Sue, Rave On, That'll be the Day, It's so Easy, Oh Boy!.  All of which are on my iPod, so I am now listening while I fly.

Valens, I only remember one, La Bamba, although I think he did some cheesy love songs too and some covers.

And the Big Bopper, I also remember only one song and not sure of the title and barely remember the lyrics...

"Chantilly lace with a pretty face and a ponytail hanging down;

-oh that's right, it's called "Chantilly Lace" :)

With a wriggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk;
Makes the world go round;
Sh makes me act so funny;
Make me spend my money;
Make me get real loose, like a silly silly goose;
Oh Baby, that's what I like!"
Yeah.. Not sure about those lyrics -think there was a gig eyed girl in there somewhere too, but don't feel like pulling out the iPad to do a web search after we land, but should be enough to remind you if you ever knew it.

So... Bye bye Miss American Pie.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld -- Envoyé de mon sans fil portatif BlackBerry