Friday 27 May 2011

Working in Ottawa today --A little too Cool Hand Luke for me

Good morning folks,

I will be working today in Ottawa, again.

Good news for Ontario, PC leader Tim Hudak promises to bring forced labour to Ontario's prisons, that's right a bit of Laogai* right here In Ontario.

Laogai which is an abbreviation for Láodòng Gāizào means "reform through labour" and was a slogan of the Chinese criminal justice system, where some 50 million persons have been sent into forced labour camps the last 50 years.  Of course the PRC officially ended the policy in the late '90s.  (Yeah, I think it's a little odd that I know this too.)

Canada also has a strong position on forced labour as well and Mr. Hudak may wish to educate himself.  Forced labour is in direct violation of the Canadian Constitution in its Charter of Rights and Freedoms which disallows forced labour in any form.

Canada is also a signatory to the resolutions of the International Labour Organization in Geneva which also calls for the abolishment of forced labour.  

But let's step over the huge legal reasons why not to do this, let's look at the practical and the general taste of it, shall we?  Hudak thinks it's a good idea to have work crews of Ontario inmates washing graffiti from public building walls and picking up trash.

Hmmm.. A bunch of violent criminals out on the street?  Nope, no violent criminals Hudak says.  Okay, but what about schedules for appearances, trial preparations, won't this work interfere?  Nope, no one that is awaiting trial or sentencing either according to the grand plan.  What about the work for pay that occurs now in the prison system, aren't these the same guys that earn a few dollars doing the laundry, washing dishes, cooking means, performing the janitorial services?  Perhaps Hudak's plan calls for hiring of outside staff to perform these jobs.

Okay, so a non-violent offended that has been sentenced is the target deadbeat.  And what if he or she just doesn't want to do the work.  Gets on the bus (don't forget we have to pay to transport these prisoners), rides to downtown Toronto, gets off the bus, no doubt surrounded by extra prison guards, also drawing a salary, and then refuses to scrub the wall.

Now what?  Do we as a society now expect the chain gang boss looking through mirror sun glasses to pull out a whip and teach the impudent some manners?  A little too 'Cool hand Luke' for me thank you.

Let's remind ourselves that forced prison labour has no rehabilitative benefit, but rather causes a greater contempt for society in the inmate, and has also found not to have any deterrent benefit either.  Combine this with the illegal aspect of Hudak's game plan, and the unsavory implementation, and the cost to the tax payers and one wonders why is this even being proposed.

Have a good day.

Thursday 26 May 2011

Working in Ottawa today --Hubcap rings

Good morning Distributelrians,

I will be working in Ottawa today, which agrees with today's subject line to help minimize confusion.
I didn't think I had anything to relate to you this morning until I read that police in Québec have finally cracked the counterfeit hubcaps ring that has been operating near Québec City for years.  

It is unknown if proceeds from the illegal hubcaps sales were used to support other criminal endeavors such as elicit drug sales, but the RCMP speculates that may be the case.  If we as a population wish to stem the rise of such para-illegal enterprises, then we need to ensure that the neighborhood drug dealers are able to make a living from their primary activities.

Forcing drug dealers to turn to the manufacture of copyright violating manufacture such as knock-off Cadillac hubcaps, Alice Cooper T-shirts, and Windows '95 CDs to help fund their drug dealing enterprises puts yours and my safety at risk, not to mention the risk to corporate profits.

Please do your part, examine your hubcaps for the Genuine Hubcaps Hologram.

Have a good day

Friday 20 May 2011

Working in Ottawa today --The end of the world part deux, redeux -or- why Heisenberg was a dick

Good morning folks, I will be working in Ottawa today.  Change of Plans, need to get the <shh: corp secret> project specs done, that and Don offered to buy me lunch.

"Odd.", you may be thinking to yourself, "should he not be re-aligning Jennifer's mailbox in an effort to get himself right with the Cosmos, prior to the big collapse?".

Well, yes I should be.  And according to Shrödinger intersected with String Theory, I am. In fact, simultaneously all eventualities and probabilities have occurred this morning.  I am on a plane to Ottawa, I am at Jennifer's re-aligning her mailbox, although in one of the realities I arrived to align the mailbox and it was inexplicably flanked by Joan Rivers and her awkward sidekick daughter wanting my opinion on the dress worn by the new princess and how the designers kept it all secret.  I really don't care, not only that, but Rivers' microphone wasn't even plugged into anything.

You see, not only was Shrödinger's cat both alive and dead since either state had an equal probability, but the cat was also performing that strange full body heave that only an orange tabby can really carry off while coughing up a fur ball on The Shröd's new carpet.

But I am getting carried way away from today's topic.  Which is why it is extremely improbably that the end of the world will occur for us, at least the us that includes me flying off to Ottawa today.  While it is quite probable that in one or even a few realities this world will end on Saturday, there exists the greater number of possibilities that extend from and dependent on this world not ending.  Since there exists a greater number of possible realities in which this world remains, there is a greater possibility that we are in one of the more pleasant ones.

Now Heisenberg may disagree, much in the way he disagreed with Shrödinger, I believe something like, "The more I think about the physical portion of Shrödinger's theory the more repulsive I find it, what he writes about visualisability of his theory is probably not quite right, it's crap and very hard to pronounce.".  Of course one should keep in mind that Werner was a bit of a dick, and didn't like cats.

Have a good day.

Thursday 19 May 2011

Working in Montréal today --Always know where your towel is

Good morning folks, I will be working in Montreal today.

I have to confess, this one really slipped past me, I mean that usually I have my ear to the ground, in tune with what's happening.  Now I was already aware that the end of the world was going to occur in 2012 and I have made some plans..  well in so much as I have a list of things that I really should get finished by then --I figure that it would be rather embarrassing to have some to-do items that have been lingering on for several years.

I am of course talking about the news that the world will end on May 21.  "what!?" you may ask, or if like me, it was more like,"what?.. Holy crap, I have a ton of things to do, but at least I just had a haircut".  Now at first I was doubtful of this latest prediction of doom and gloom but this guy, this Harold Camping has some rather un-refutable mathematics to back up his prediction.

Now before you nay-sayers start bringing up Camping's failed prediction of the 1994 end of the world, let me come to his defense in that it was a simple math error that anyone could have made.  It can get very confusing when you need to count one day as simultaneously a day, a year, one thousand years, and also just the day light hours, he simply forgot to carry a one somewhere.  This happens often in end of world predictions and I think we should cut him some slack.  Thank you.

Camping's current predictions, which are being advertised on the back of busses and at least one plumber's van work sort of like this:

Camping earlier dated the great flood to 4990 BCE, then taking the predictions in Genesis 7:4 (seven days from now I will send a great rain on the earth) and 2 Peter 3:8 (with the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day) Camping concludes that the world will end in 2011, 7000 days, I mean years since 4990 BCE.  Now to arrive at the 21 of May, Camping has explained this calculation, please try to stay with me here.

The number 5 equals atonement, the number 10 equals completeness and the number 17, heaven.  Christ reportedly died on the cross April 1, 33 CE.  1978 years ago.  On a side note, in 1978 my Dad's licence plate on his car was LJT-048. if 1978 is multiplied by the number of days in a solar year (365.2422) the result is 722,449.  There is 51 days between April 1 and May 21.  So naturally one should add 51 to the 722,449 to arrive at 722,500.  Now pay attention carefully.  (5 x 10 x 17)^2 also equals 722,500.  He didn't explain why the result was squared.

Yeah, wow.  Check this one out.  Take your age that you will be this year add it to your birth year, the sum is 2011.  Yikes, that's this year!!  I opened my calendar today, and guess what it said, yep.. Also 2011.  The numbers can't lie, they are all around us, taunting us, pointing to now, the end is nigh!

So what can we do prior to Saturday to get ready?  Sharlene suggested we get our laundry done during the week, one always needs clean underwear.  I think we should brush Molly, she's looking a little raggy.  I did bring one of Yanick's maple syrup jars back to Montreal today, didn't want the world to end with me having not returned it.  Do I have anything of anyone else's --nope, think I am good.  Damn!  Tom, your travel power supply is on the shelf in my office.  Thanks for lending it to me.  Jenny, I will come buy on my way to the office on Friday morning and straighten your mailbox.  Am I missing anything else that I promised anyone?  Do I have anyone's DVDs, do you have mine?

There just isn't much time to anything substantial completed.  I am in Montreal today, won't get home till late, then there's Friday, will work, workout at the club, pick up Sharlene, grab a bite at our local, head home, fall asleep watching a late movie and then poof, the end.  

Have a good second last day, always know where your towel is.

Thursday 5 May 2011

Working in Ottawa today --The collective ropes of federalism

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

As always, the following opinions are mine, and do not necessarily reflect the views of our employer, shareholders and directors and management.

Hey, how about that Canadian election eh?  The part-time bar manager NDP candidate that was vacationing in Vegas during the campaign that does not speak French yet was mysteriously (not really the right word, but didn't know how to make 'bewildered' an adjective) elected with a near 6000 vote margin in a primarily francophone riding sort of proves the theory that we Canadians don't vote, but instead, we stampede.

Kind of cool eh, a shout-out to the Quebéc riding of Bertier-Maskinongé and simultaneously relevant to our Calgary friends.  You can just feel the comfortable, collective ropes of Federalism just pulling us all together into one happy family ;)
Well, now that Harper's government finally has a majority, now we can get down to business and start selling this country off to foreign control one industry at a time.

It does sound like Harper wishes to start with Telecommunications, this will indeed be beneficial, I can't see any conflict with the concepts of sovereignty.  Sure, suppose Canada gets involved in a skirmish with Egypt, what's the likelihood that the Egyptian backers would direct a certain cell company to reroute all cell calls to the pay phone at the bus station?  I just hope the Ministre de la Défense nationale doesn't use a cell phone with the lowest rates.

Then which industry should follow, how about Healthcare?  I think a move to a profitable U.S. model, we could combine the concepts of universality and private busine$$ profit --I mean efficiency.  I personally look forward to receiving my coupons for 1 free check up per year, 3 free lancing of any boils and the 1 bonus appendectomy per household.  Ah yes gather the kids up and head down to the clinic for Double-Value Coupon Tuesdays!

Perhaps we should look at foreign control and some proper bidding processes for our military too.  Think about it, we have already started out-sourcing our border security to the U.S., It is sure to work, really. We just make sure that only U.S. troops from the Cajun parts patrol the Quebec and New Brunswick points of entry, them dar boys from the Bayou speck sumthin thet sor a sounds au francais, I gaaaruntee.  

Sort of like the Italians in New Jersey, they don't speak-a d'Italian, they just-a sound like they do.

Now that we have drifted way off topic, have a good day.  Everyone.  Collectively.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld -- Envoyé de mon sans fil portatif BlackBerry