Thursday 31 May 2012

Working in Ottawa today --damn Zombies

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

Did you hear about the package that will be sure to go down as a footnote in the written history of the Conservative Party?

Too early?  Too macabre?

The whole thing is macabre, grisly, unsavory.  The fellow, self described as an Internet star, rented an apartment in Montréal, overlooking The Décarie Expressway, and through some chain of events repeatedly stabbed some naked young man and then proceeded to dismember and mail out some pieces stopping only to eat some of the morsels.

Earlier this week there was the report of the naked man in Miami, that had been in a fight with another naked man, and proceeded to eat his opponent's face.  Police responding on the scene reported that the attacker simply growled at the officer and resumed his afternoon snack.  The police naturally shot the unarmed, naked man.  It is unclear why the officer didn't simply kick the attacker in the head to gain his attention.

Upon hearing of the events, I naturally assumed that it was a Zombie attack.

Here are some helpful hints to be prepared.

Keep your vehicle tank always at least half full, no fun to run out of gas right in the middle of the night while trying to flee the city.

Don't use weapons that produce a loud report when used, shotgun blasts merely alert other zombies in the area that fresh brains are available.

Travel in a group.  No particular reason, but Zombie movies that have a band of survivors are generally more interesting than the lone hero.

Oops, out of time, Ottawa is a short flight and I stopped typing to have some breakfast.

Have a good day, and be safe.

Thursday 24 May 2012

Working in Montréal today --intruders!

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

Woke up at 5 AM this morning and whilst standing in the kitchen pondering the efficacy of 1/2 decaf coffee I noticed the shot of a flashlight across the left rear corner of my back fence.

(!)  WTH -- intruders!

With cat like speed and stealth I tore through to the front door, grabbed a squash racquet from my gym bag, brought up the front lights and out the front door I went.

Wearing my housecoat..  not exactly securely closed.
With a squash racquet.
With a crazy -attack the intruder- look in my eyes.

Fortunately it was 5 AM, much too early for children to be filing past the house on their way to St. Martha & Mary's.  May have scarred them for life.

There was no sign of anyone out front, and the gate to the back was secure..  so back through the house, clicked on the yard lights and out on the deck I went.

Birds chirping.

Then I heard some dish type noises from my neighbour Chris' kitchen.  He gets up early as well.. Figured he must have been looking in his back yard with a flashlight from his kitchen.. wondered why a bit, but quickly lost interest and resumed my morning.

Headed downstairs to stretch a bit and exercise a bit.. and then headed out the basement walkout to have a short swim.

It was as I knelt down to check the water chemistry that I realized that I was being watched from the back left corner of the fence.

There in the corner of the yard was a large raccoon holding a 9 iron with a bit of a crazed look on his face.

I suppose it is all a matter of perspective.

Have a good day.

Thursday 17 May 2012

Working in Ottawa today --Anthropomorphizing

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

I woke this morning to The Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go.  This was a bit of a change for me.. waking to 80's first wave Punk by the only band that mattered as all other previous mornings I was waken by Beethoven's Fur Elise.

Fur Elise, or For Elise or even For Therese and maybe even For Betty, was written likely just after the turn into the 19th century but it wasn't published until the Confederation of Canada in 1867.  Of course this is merely a coincidence and not really worth mentioning.  I'm not even sure if Ludwig ever ventured beyond Germany and Austria or if Ludwig Nohl, the finder of the manuscript, ever travelled to this part of the globe so we should probably just stop discussing this unlikely connection.

Should I Stay or Should I Go was written in 1981 and immediately published and 20+ years later in 2004 was rated the 228th of Rolling Stone magazine's 500 greatest songs of all time.  I don't know how well Fur Elise rated.

After waking, had a coffee, stretched a bit, showered, shaved, dressed, gathered my stuff and headed out the door to the garage.

It was as I placed my things on the passenger side seat of my Urban Assault Vehicle that I heard the melodic out-pouring of unrequited love of Fur Elise.  I then realized that my old phone.. replaced yesterday but a younger, more attractive, smarter model was left overnight outside, cast away, forgotten, and yet it faithfully went about the execution of its duties, playing the wake alarm for the master that would not hear it.

Now then.

If you just felt a pang of angst, sorrow for the old phone, then Anthropomorphizing may be a word that you may wish to know.  It is an intransitive verb that means to ascribe human characteristics to things not human.

And that is today's word of the day.

Have a good day.

Thursday 10 May 2012

Working in Calgary today and tomorrow

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Calgary for the next two days.

No quips, stories, glimpses, errata, addendums, pardon me, addenda in this email.  Spent the flight working on interview evaluations, review of process overviews and a brief snooze in the middle of watching a movie.

I have slept through some of the best movies of our time.  If anyone knows how Dog Day Afternoon ends, let me know.  I have missed the ending in each of the several times I watched it.  This current sleep inducing movie was Larry Crowne, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts.. I woke up and both were looking guilty.

Wednesday 2 May 2012

Working in Ottawa today --Epicaricacy

Good morning folks,

I am working in Ottawa today, yes a bit of a change-up from my regular routine.  Am traveling today, on a Wednesday as from tomorrow on I am off for a week.

Today's word is Schadenfreude.

One of those wonderful compound - glue together until you've had enough fun words for which the German language is known.

Schaden translates to adversity or harm, and Freude is Joy, to find Joy in [someone else's] harm.  In English, the closest word may be Epicaricacy, which is roughly Joy in Evil. Which Is the word that came to mind after deciphering a message that I left for myself the other night.  

A few days ago I'm quite sure that I had fallen asleep on the sofa (a lot like a couch, but with less letters) and had wandered upstairs in a bit of a sleep-walk to go to bed, Sharlene had something on the bedroom TV involving Jousting.

This of course is that happy go lucky sport which involves men on horseback, charging each other at full gallop wilts holding long Lances with the objective of unseating the other.

I quickly typed a message to myself on my BlackBerry.  This of course was done without my glasses and being half asleep, and then promptly fell back asleep.  What I typed was totally unintelligible and it was only this morning that I remembered what I meant to type.

If Jousting did not exist, we would have to invent it.

There is no Joy quite like watching a man in armour flying through the air with arms flailing amid the flying splinters of a shattered lance and landing quite unceremoniously in a twisted heap on the dusty ground.


The only real room for improvement might be to incorporate motorcycles and hot babe cheerleaders.  Oh, and a barbecue.  And beer. And some Rock & Roll.  Hmmmmm.. may really be on to something here, wonder if ESPN is interested?

Have a good day.