Thursday 30 May 2013

Working in Ottawa today --Fear the Foghorn

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

Three topics today..  First is the phone calls that we all been receiving from a man claiming to be your/our/my Captain.  Starts with a foghorn followed by some officious sounding gent, "This is your captain speaking.."  and the announcer then proceeds to explain that you have 'won' a free cruise..

What I wonder is how well the orchestrators of this particular phone campaign understand how they have changed Canadians' use of their telephones?  To explain, I do not answer my home phone at all anymore for Fear of the Foghorn.  When my cell rings and it is a number I do not recognize, I have Fear of the Foghorn.

I have performed a non-scientific poll of a non-random set of citizens and I caution that one should not base any financial or end of days decisions on my findings, but damn near everyone I spoke with stated that they do not answer their phone if the call is from outside of their area code for Fear of the Foghorn.

What a strange legacy to leave behind, years from now while gathering his great grandchildren around his deathbed, the orchestrator can explain that single handedly he  changed how Canadians use their phone, that he was the true source of the Fear of the Foghorn.

Now on to Mayor Ford.  Many of you were disappointed that I had failed to comment on Mayor Crack-whore Ford.  yeah I know that no one accused him of being a crack-whore, but I thought it sounded damn funny.  I apologize to the real crack-whores for the unflattering association.

The reason I had not commented was that Mayor Ford seemed to be self destructing, and I just didn't think I could help or hinder with comments from the sidelines.  Sometime you just have to watch the car accident from the curb.

However.. there is some serious odd reports about the crack-up.  One of the more bizarre is that on May 17 Ford told his staffers that he knew where the video was --in apt 1701 or 1703 on the 17th floor of a particular Dixon Road address.  But then stated that no video existed.. an odd contradiction, if it exists, he knows where it is, but it doesn't exist.  Follow that?  This reportedly caused great confusion and concern to key members of his staff, one of which wanted to go get the video and and another that said absolutely not.

Then there was the firing of his Chief of Staff (yeah, bad week for Chiefs of Staff) and then the mass exodus of his press reps.  All in all his failure to address the allegations has seriously interfered with his ability to function in the capacity of Mayor and is causing harm to the City and its citizens.

The noble action needed is clear.  If he cannot clear his name and resume his office then he should resign.

And finally, you send two text messages, one email and a very short phone call seeking an explanation of my comments regarding Marxist-Leninists and Anarchists taking up the Left.

What I was referring to is that if the NDP continues its pursuit to become centrist solely to win votes and abandon its fundamental principals then [there] will be a void on the Left.

Unfortunately a lean away from Left is an expected and natural progression.  Organizations / societies progress towards the right just like people tend to do, the young and idealistic civil libertarian may graduate from law school, start hanging out with the country club crowd and before you know it, he's a economic libertarian.  It just works out that way.

In France, the Left is referred to the party of movement and the Right the party of order.  And I guess the Anarchists the party of disorder.

In keeping with many of our discussions and heading off in different directions,  that the Anarchists exist is likely a testament that the Left is needed, if we had social justice and equality that the A-members would not be in a situation where tearing down the system is the logical route (rightly or wrongly, I am simply making the observation).

With a move to the Center by the NDP, a void on the Left is/will be created and something will fill that void, the problem for social democrats is that what fills the void may not hold social justice as a fundamental goal.

Have a great day, beware of Crack-whore Mayors and Fear of the Foghorn.

Tuesday 21 May 2013

Working in Montréal for the next two days --Look Left and Right

Hi Folks,

I will be working in Montréal for the next two days.  Yes a change to my regular schedule but you need to roll with the times.

I will start out by apologizing before you read today's Pulp.  It is clear from the reader counts that the political rants gets lower readership that the comical or pseudo-scientific.  Mouse Hunt and Boson Buddies scored exceptionally well as did Compressed Monkey Gel.

The political ones...  you don't seem to read them as much.  But this is my soapbox.

Without much further ado..  more politics.

First a rhetorical question.. how important is the rule of law to Canadians, to you?  Are our laws not written to apply evenly and universally?  If it is illegal for you and I then surely it is illegal for our elected and appointed representatives.

pssst... Is he going to write about Duffy and Wright?  Yes he is.

I don't have much time today so I won't provide the text from the codes, but I may tonight as an edit, but Section 17(1) of the Senate Conflict of Interest code states that a Senator cannot accept money from anyone.  Section 16(3) Says if you do give a Senator money, you get to go to jail.  Section 121(1) of the Criminal code of Canada says the each, the giver and the receiver of such bull crap get to go to jail for up to 5 years.

In a really short sentence, Give a Senator $90k go to jail and share a cell with him.  See the whole thing was bugging me from several angles, the first was a tax perspective.  If I submit bullshit claims for expenses to the corp, two things would likely happen.  First I get to be fired.  Next, the corp could try to get the dollars back though a variety of means.  Now if it forgave the debt, then guess who would be knocking at my door.

Yes, CRA.  Why, because CRA is a silent partner in everything that you do that make money, including gifts from your employer.  There is no doubt in my mind you or I would be paying CRA their fair share.

The other angle was this f-you to the Canadian electorate.  This Senator Duffy gets caught with his hands in the cookie jar, and poof, the debt is washed away.  Oh yeah, and no one knew that it even happened, not the PM, nobody.. I don't believe it for a second.

Hey look, a few more minutes of flight.. on a very bumpy descent into Montréal.

So the NDP's Horwath met with Ontario Premier Wynne on Thursday - Friday, and guess what?  No election in June.  Surprise, surprise.

Just a quick recap, it is now public that the Liberal shafted Ontarians with close to $600M in order to ensure a victory in the last election.  And just when everyone started asking about it, Premier Mcquinty prorogued the legislature.. Something about, "everyone out of the pool" except of course it wasn't his pool.  Then he stepped down and Kathleen Wynne took the whistle.

Now let's see, who could hold the sitting gov't accountable for such dishonesty and corruption?  Oh yes, we have a built in system, The Opposition Party.  In this case the NDP, but what the hell, the NDP has secured only one of the three concessions from the Liberals that it sought and is now standing down?

Is this part of the wimpification of the NDP or part of its lean away from the Left and heading into Centric zone?

Folks, citizens, we need to be damn careful here, if we continue to allow gov't to just do whatever the hell it pleases then we risk a further fracturing of the electorate into the disenfranchised --those that believe that they have no representation.

If the NDP cannot be counted on the represent the Left and fight for Social Justice then we leave that void to be filled by who? The Marxist-Leninists or the Anarchists?

Have a good day.  Make sure to look both ways when crossing the street.

Thursday 16 May 2013

Working in Ottawa today --Sedition r us

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today and then taking tomorrow off.

I was going to write about time, that magical dimension in which events occur in usually a single direction.  It is also what keeps everything from occurring all at once.

But instead, I think that we need a quick primer of the difference between treason and sedition.

Really uncle Daniel, Sedition at 7:47 AM? I ask you back, can you think of a better time?

Treason is the act of violating ones allegiance or fealty to a sovereign or state, aiding the enemies of such or taking up combat or war against it.

And Sedition?  Well.. Sedition is more about stirring up trouble and rebellion against the lawful gov't and / or its laws.  It does not include waging war against the state or helping out those that would.

Sedition can take many forms, speeches (I have always maintained that any society is three good speeches away from any political shift, usually towards totalitarian fascism but that is another Pulp..), writings, leaflets, and Pulp posts.

But uncle Daniel, what is the difference between sedition and public outcry against an abusive or corrupt gov't?  Hey! I am glad that you asked that question.

Sometime the difference is how the actions are interpreted by the state and how effective they figure they can be at shutting someone up.  The lone wolf trying to enlighten people to a corruption or illegitimacy might well find himself before a magistrate, but a crowd are usually just ordered to disburse, go home.

The real difference between sedition and good old fashioned public outcry is what tools and tactics are used.  If you operate within the law and call for a change of gov't through election; arrest and removal of a corrupt politician through the legal system; or seek changes in law through the methods approved by the establishment, then you are not likely to be arrested for sedition.

But.. if you stir up trouble and incite people to riot against the gov't; to disobey laws; and attempt to forcibly remove members of gov't then you are likely a seditionist.

Okay, so why is this important this AM?

Because the Ontario Gov't and Liberal Party of Ontario which currently forms the gov't of Ontario owes me $100.  It also owes Sharlene and Jennifer $100 each.  And Phil too.  And the rest of you readers that reside in Ontario, and the person sitting next to you too.

I hold them jointly and severally liable for the $100 because they engaged in a politically strategic decision to cancel the gas plants to ensure a victory in the last election.  The cost of the cancellation is now revealed to be $585,000,000.  For what?  Nothing.

For this grand price tag the citizens of Ontario get jack shit but another 4 years of a corrupt and ineffective provincial gov't.  There are about 5.9 million people in Ontario [sorry folks, 5.9 M in Toronto, 13.5 M in Ontario, so about $43 per person --my only excuse is I knock these off while sitting in the flight and don't really have time for fact checking.. ] so that works out to about $100 each for this pleasure.

Last night I suggested that I and those around me storm Queen's Park and toss the bitches and bastards out on their asses since the opposition parties though their inaction appear to be in on the scam and are unlikely to do anything.

Andrea Horwath reportedly, "I feel assured that after having this meeting [with Premier Kathleen Wynne], the Premier has heard the people of Ontario and knows what they expect in terms of accountability..."  Blah blah blah.  Accountability?  Crooks go to jail, we don't ask them to perform an accounting.

And then it happened.

"But Daniel, that would be Treason", exclaimed the guy in the pub parking lot whose name under oath I can't remember.

No, that would be Sedition. I replied.

Have a good day.

Wednesday 8 May 2013

Working in Ottawa today --Pastry Mule

Good morning folks,

In a slight twist to my normal routine, I am working in Ottawa today and Montréal tomorrow.

while I passed through security today..

My heart is beating fast, Billy Hayes said to tape it under your arms, "they never look there, you'll be fine!".  A few more steps into the security line, a man says something to me but I can't understand him, his English is worse than my Turkish. The sweat running down his face makes me think that he won't notice mine, but his eyes seem to examine my very thoughts, drilling into my mind.  I try to keep my breath steady, repeating a mantra of "hey man, it's all good, they don't know, stay chilled." in my mind.  He motions me to the left, to keep moving.

My mind wanders back to yesterday, it was a great day, Jennifer made Phil, Sharlene and I dinner to close off my b-day, and as we left for home, she called in a marker, "can you please take this to Kelly?".  "But.." I stammered, "they will likely stop me, each are more than 100 grams, and they really do possess gel like qualities.  They aren't like a daffodil you know.".

I place my gear into one of the trays, it all looks innocent enough, keys, a ring bound notebook, a tablet, and a pen and my phone.  I have the extra package with me and I uneasily slip it into the tray.  I wish it were still winter or even the cool of first spring when I might have a light jacket to casually but deliberately toss over the items in vain camouflage.  But no.  All items remain in full view.

The next security agent is a woman, I recognize her from trips past.  I have stood here more than one hundred times before, all a dress rehearsal for today, for this moment.. I wonder how loud the beating in my chest is, it fills my ears.. drowning out the  incessant chatter from the other travelers.  My plan is to engage her eyes, to distract her with light banter about how Spring is finally here.

"What is that?", she snaps.  "w-what?" I ask, more like Vinny Ba-Ba-Barino now than Billy Hayes.  "That in your tray" my mind races and I wonder what music will be playing through this scene in the movie they make of my detainment and struggle..

"Better watch your back
'N cover your tracks
Kick your foot through the door
Hit the deck, know the score
They're taken by surprise
And here's mud in your eye.."

Her gaze is steady and unrelenting. "Those pastries, what are they?" .. I am caught in the crosshairs, there is no escape.  "Mini peach pies.. tarts" I explain, "but they are not for sharing, I am on a delivery mission, I am a mere pastry mule.".

The next moments are a blur, there is a furry of security activity, much wailing of sirens, alarms, and sounds of men in boots surrounding the area from all angles and approaches.  I become Omega-man as my training takes over, I am a willow in the wind.

The calm returns once I am in my seat, my watch tells me that I have lost 5 minutes,

My phone lights up, "did you get pies through?" I simply reply, "it was a cakewalk".

Have a good day, embellish when possible,

Thursday 2 May 2013

Working in Ottawa today --This end faces front

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

The backwards baseball cap bugs me.  'Bakwerdz?  Yuh meen with thu brim in front?"  Sigh.  No sparky, with the brim in the back.

The brim, ostensibly to keep the sun out of the wearer's eyes, is part of the baseball cap that showed up around 150 years ago (no kidding) as part of the Brooklyn Excelsior's uniform, by 1900 every team was wearing them. And just so everyone knows.. only the catcher would wear it backwards so that it didn't interfere with seeing and catching a pop up foul ball.

This morning in the airport I saw a couple of fellows with Caribbean style shirts wandering through the airport, looking a little bewildered and perhaps in search of a missing and still drunk vacation comrade, but what was of note was the peculiar skin burn pattern of their faces.

From mid forehead down, from a crisp horizontal line was pink burn.  You know that pink, it is the pink that when pressed by a finger turns white for a moment and then returns a bit angrier.  Ow, quit it, dammit, ow!

But the peculiar part was the sideways D shaped pink burn pattern in main forehead zone.  The sideways D that can only be explained by the opening at the back (front?) of the aforementioned backwards baseball cap.

I think that in the interests of forehead skin safety and to avoid product liability lawsuits the manufacturers of such apparel have a duty to affix a label --'This end faces front'.  we already caution users not to use hair dryers in the shower, not to eat the silica gel packets when unpacking new home electronics, and not to use the lawn mower in your bare feet.

Please wear your 'caps responsibly.