Thursday 10 February 2011

Working in Toronto today --What if the monkey has a gun?

Since I usually travel on Thursdays and usually alert you to my plans, I thought it only consistent to alert you that I am not traveling today.

A hypothetical question for you today.  Is unethical to punch out a monkey?

Now I am not asking about an attack on a monkey in a cage at the zoo, not walking up and delivering a firm upper cut on some cute faced primate looking back at you through some bars, even considering that he had previously thrown his feces at you.  In that scenario you can simply walk away or at a minimum just hold someone else's passing child in front of you as a block.  But instead I speak of the monkey that starts the fray by stealing your glasses or hat and dashing off and then coming back for more, much like that really annoying kid that sat two seats behind you in Miss Taylor's 7th grade English class. ..Miss Taylor.. (sigh).

I will also mention that it is extremely unlikely for the monkey to be armed with a handgun or melee weapon.  I only mention this as I am sure that somewhere in Ottawa on the 4th floor Tim Duncan is asking the question, "what if the monkey has a gun?".  I will also mention that I have known two Tim Duncan's, one in Lethbridge and one in Ottawa, both at companies where I worked, and interestingly, both would likely be asking that question, and even more disturbing --I believe they would both somehow be responsible for a monkey having a gun in the first place. Oh wait.  The other guy was Kim Duncan, but the rest remains.

No, the monkey has only his wit and annoying natural speed.  So I think that you can imagine the scenario.  You are in his habitat, but otherwise minding your own business.  Perhaps on a hike through the interior of Costa Rica, when out of a tree swings some annoying distant cousin that takes your hat.  Your eyes track the little bastard from tree to tree and then he swings down again, likely to grab your glasses, and BAM you deliver one cleanly between the eyes and knock him ass over tea kettle.

Now I am not asking about the wisdom of such a retaliation and defence of your property and person, as I am almost sure that the plaintive screams of the injured tail swinging impudent would bring all of his clan to descend on you like a plague of locusts and rip your face and flesh right off of your bones and cause your name to be on the CNN text scroller for a day or so, nope.  Just asking if you think it would be ethical.  Does PETA have a position on this?

Have a good day and keep an eye on your hat.

Sent from my iPad

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