Thursday 22 March 2012

Working in Ottawa today --stay cool

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

Hey, remember back in 1966, Pennsylvania, when that meter reader found the remains of Dr. Irving Bentley, dead and burned to nothing but a foot and slipper?  Yes, boys and girls I am writing about none other that Spontaneous Human Combustion SHC for those in need of initialisms.

Charles (Chuckles as the neighbor boys called him) Dickens, Jules Verne, a few Russian authors and that strange lady that lived down 12th St. from me in Lethbridge all wrote stories where SHC played into the plot.  The interesting thing about SHC.. well, aside from the spontaneous combustion part, is that there never seems to be any witnesses of the event.  Okay I think there was one.  jean Saffin burst into flames in her kitchen and the fire put out my her father.  Yeah..  she was in a kitchen. Where there is fire. And oils.

We don't have any eye witness accounts of the shopkeepers's wife explaining, "well there we were chatting after dinner and I was just saying how we should visit my sister Marge, and that we really should.  Marge was older than me so we didn't play together when I was young, but I always liked her, then she married a fellow from Des Moines, an insurance salesman I think, and moved away, why it's only in the last ten years that we've reconnected, what's that?  Oh yes, my husband Irving, as I was saying there we were chatting when he had a strange look on his face like when you need a good belch but you have a clergyman over for dinner.. and then he just started on fire.  I tried to put the fire put but he burned down to just his foot.  I must write my sister right away.."

Why the interest in human combustion?  The air conditioning in the Ottawa office is not on yet, it is only March after all, but with the elevated temperatures this week, and the effects of solar gain of the sun's rays on glass building skin I hear that I am heading into an inferno, an oven, a sauna.

I toyed with the idea of wearing a Speedo and a smile but then there is that whole obligation to maintain a certain office decorum.  So wish me and all of the Ottawa staff luck in not starting afire at their desks.

Have a good day and stay cool.

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