Thursday 28 February 2013

Working in Montréal today --please don't tease the otters

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

Researchers at the UK's Cardiff University announced this week that the penal bone in Otters has been shrinking due in theory to persistent organic pollutants, specifically, endocrine disrupting chemicals.

I applaud the research, but I am a wee bit curious of the moment of department head peer review..

"Johnson!   Get in here Johnson, I just read your research on the Otter penises er.. penae or peni?  Doesn't matter, this is the kind of hard-hitting, in your face kind of research we what coming out of this department. Sounds like you have a good grip on things here.. I know that you've been busy, quite a few balls in the air I understand, but this is something that I want the other department heads to get a taste of, a stroke of genius.. Good job!"

Now I must confess when I first read this, I think I was on the phone with Slepp and Yanick, I mused out loud, "My John Thomas has bones?" "Where do they disappear to after I've been to the pool?"

Sidebar for the gals out there.. In case you missed the Seinfeld episode, there exists.. a certain shrinkage of that favorite male appendage subsequent to being immersed in cool water and then chilled.  In complete opposite of the proud upstanding member of the male constitutional found on a warm summer day trying to peak out from ill fitting shorts, once chilled it hides like...  a scared turtle or a mouse backing into a corner away from an angry .. cat.

No room for bones.  Some gal reading this just muttered to herself, "I think men think about their Mini-Twinkie a wee bit too much"

And yet, she's still reading.

And we're back.

Gentlemen, ladies, our Willy Wilsons have no bones.  Although many if not most placental animal have penal bones, more precise --the baculum, humans do not.  It is present in the Ying Yangs of Gorilla and Chimpanzee, in the Wobbly Willies of Dogs and Cats, but absent in Schlongs of Elephants and Men.

So what is in the future of Otter extracurricular activity?  Will the WWF (I love wresting!) seek donations to fund penile implants for our stubby peckered musteldae friends?  Will the Otters need to rely on sheer blood pressure to maintain interest and joy by the Mrs. Otters?  Will Pfizer offer reduced prescription costs; will the Otters be subjected to dozens of SPAM emails offering solutions for the lutrinae's limp lizard?

Have a good day.  Please don't tease the Otters.


  1. Did you really just do a whole blog entry on penis's?!

  2. Ha! Penises are always good for a laugh.

  3. Appreciate you bllogging this