Working in Montréal today --Veni, vidi, non scripsi

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

Every now and then I draw a blank set of topics for my Thursday pulps.  If you don't know how my process works, let me enlighten you.  Usually as I turn on to Silver Dart Drive on the airport grounds I start to think about possible subjects.  Having the radio news on sometimes helps.  If still blank I have hopes that something in the newspaper will supply a creative tidbit.  Failing that, some event at the airport will surely give me something, anything...

Once I have a topic, I will sometimes take the opportunity before take off to do some very quick research on the subject, perhaps some historical context, occasionally I will look up past pulps as some topics resurface.  Mayor Ford, The End of the World, Keynesian economics and corporate greed, tips on home surgical techniques -how to avoid a bleed out when removing your own appendix. I've covered them all, sometimes twice.

Today.. nope, nada, zip.  There was a brief moment where prior to push back the captain come over the PA and asked for everyone's attention, something had occurred and was observed by the baggage handlers.. "Yes?" I wondered.. a spill of crack cocaine from Mayor Ford's bag?  The missing $4 billion tacked onto the Ontario Hydro Debt by McQuinty, Oscar Pistorius' missing defense and a claim that it was he that screamed like a girl after the first two shots, but before the last two?

 No.  Seems  3 attractive grey ties had apparently slipped out of someone's bag.  Would the owner please alert a flight attendant so that they can returned.

Sigh.

It happens folks.  Not a damned thing to write about.  So instead of writing furiously, I am going to enjoy my breakfast  and a hot cup of coffee and sit back and enjoy the flight and will post this lame excuse for a pulp on our landing.

Oh.. Veni, vidi, non scripsi. Latin for I arrived, looked around, and didn't write about it.

Have a good day.

Working in Ottawa today --Keep Calm and Carry On

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

When traveling through Charles De Gaulle airport about 3 years back I was somewhat taken aback by the lack of queuing up, through every door or turnstile or check point (of which were numerous) the traveling public just.. well sort of.. mashed up, like a semicircular arc of peoples all attempting to squeeze through simultaneously.

I had lamented this experience to my brother John in a short email on return to the Big Smoke and he explained that prior to WW II no one lined up anywhere and it was the British that invented the practice and now a source of true Brit pride, Keep Calm and Carry on!  He's a funny guy.  I countered with what about the bread lines during the Great Depression -- weren't those exactly that, lines - queues?  He said answered, no, the lines never existed, they were a staging by a young Walt Disney taking the pictures, much like the staging of Lemmings dropping to their death over cliffs some years later.

Huh.  Well how about that?

This morning I joined the lower level priority security line at Toronto's Pearson Airport.  When I joined the queue there were about 6 persons in front on me, and we collectively were by all indications waiting to flow through security door 1.  The standard proletariat line had no one actually in the line, but security door 4 had perhaps 10 persons waiting to pass through.  I decided to stick with the Priority queue since 6 well seasoned Elite and Super Elite travelers should in theory be able to pass through security an order of magnitude quicker than 10 of the great unwashed with their water bottles and spare change and scrap metal in each pocket.

But no.  As a new set of travelers entered the empty non priority queue, the security agent ushered them in front of a gentleman about 5 ahead of me for door 1  (!)  You have got to be shitting me!

"Ma'am?" I exclaimed, "What are you doing?".  "What did you say to me?", she demanded.

"Ma'am, you have placed travelers that just entered the queue ahead of persons us that were here prior to their arrival.  We are already here waiting!"  She explained that everyone needs to get through security (duh) and that I was still in line (double duh).   And then the best justification for her actions.. "I have the authority to place people where ever I want them!"  Well golly, her parents are surely proud.  I repeated my objection attempting to be clearer but I already knew such an attempt would be fruitless.

The gentleman behind me leaned forward and explained for the security agent gal and I to hear that my mistake was that I thought I was in a Priority Line, but in reality it was the De-Priority Line.  I turned and asked, "De-Prioritization?", his traveling colleague explained, "oh yes.  It's part of Air Canada's new campaign, they aren't happy until you're not happy."

Oh.  Now I would actually disagree that it is an Air Canada problem as AC did attempt to speed me on my way by paying for the special queue, but it was the security agents that get the fail in the science of queue mechanics.

After the brief nose to nose disagreement the security agent cut off all communication with me but also as additional travelers arrived in the queues she did not attempt to place anyone else in front of door 1.  A success. 

Have a great day, queue up!