Thursday, 22 May 2014

Working in Montréal today --Get Paleo!

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

Hey kids, ever hear of the Paleo diet?  I first heard of it a couple of years back from one of my brothers that extolled the virtues.  He was feeling like he had more energy, was trimming down, his mind more alert, although he had the forboding sense that the tribe in the next cave were planning his demise and he had no time to talk but had to go fashion more spear heads from his cache of lithic stone flakes.  Like I said, that was a couple years back, and I haven't seen him since, reportedly he is living in a cave in the Badlands east of Calgary.

Um..  Uncle Daniel, Really?

No, not really.  He lives in Calgary and is a huge fan of object oriented design.  I also have no idea how many spear heads he has, although I understand that they can also be used as currency when he runs out of shiny beads.

Back to the diet, the theory lurches along something like this, if you consider the vast amount of time that us humanoids have been on the planet..

Okay, perhaps brief history of us and our planet.  I will omit the part where the veggie matter and zooplankton decomposed into oil (previous post http://pulp.puckett.ca/2012/08/working-in-edmonton-and-all-points-west.html) or where the Sheiks in the Middle East pumped it out of the ground, sold it to the Americans and all bought Mercedes Benz.

4,600,000,000 years ago earth formed from gasses and dusts around a young sun.
4,400,000,000 years ago our moon broke away after we collided with the evil planet Theia.
3,900,000,000 years ago some really simple life emerged.
560,000,000 years ago some early fungi showed up.
360,000,000 years ago and then some crabs and ferns.
200,000,000 years ago evidence of viruses are littered about.
68,000,000 years ago Tyrannosaurus thundered around.
66,000,000 years ago, he died.
6,500,000 years ago, the first hominin, He with the severe unibrow, Sahelanthropus crawled out of the muck.
200,000 years ago the anatomically modern human woke up, stretched, farted and scratched his rump.
10,000 years ago we developed agriculture and cultivation.
14 hours ago while playing racquetball I whacked myself in the special place with my own racquet.

..Back to the theory, since we have been on the planet about 20 times longer than we have been farming, 650 times longer if you count the guy with severe unibrow, then perhaps our bodies are better suited to a diet of the hunter gatherer instead that of the gentleman farmer.

So meat, fish, fowl, eggs, fruit, vegetables, nuts, berries, tubers, a few rock, a peck of soil.  If Paleo man ate it, it's in.   So no grains, dairy, sugar.   

So uncle Daniel, if I eat that then I will revert back to the the tall standing, muscular, high energy version of myself, and move away from the hunched over,  slumbering, overweight oaf that I have become?

No, you'll also need to toss in some exercise, don't forget Paleo man had to work very hard to get this food.  I recommend that prior to eating a steak, that you gather up some friends, a few clubs, a couple of spears and then head out into the country where the vast herds of wild bovine roam free and ATTACK!

I recommend the bovine first as they are rather slow moving before moving up to the faster and more nimble Pig Super Sport or the ultra fast Veloxa Deer or Elk Celeratas! They latter are way to jittery and fast for the novice club wielding modern man to catch, but for pure exercise go ahead and try to chase one down.

Um,. Uncle.. You are kidding right? And what's with the smattering of Greek and Latin, and it's not veloxa it's velox.

Well.. Maybe just a bit.  And btw, no one likes a show off, veloxa deer just sounded better than velox deer and no one cares anyway.

You see there is no magic formula, skipping out the massive amount of sugar that our society consumes and limiting all of these breads and pastas will help us all trim down.  But for the best effect on our belly and heart, we all need to exercise, get moving!

It's Spring and a great time to knock the dust off the bicycle, dig the running shoes out from under the bed, unroll the Yoga mat, and put some air in the basketball, at the very minimum, go take some long, brisk walks and take the stairs.

We go through this life exactly one time, and.. GO!

Have a great day, get fit, get Paleo!

8 comments:

  1. Where does beer fit in?

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    Replies
    1. It's a grain drink so... maybe the paleo dude didn't drink it

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    2. If you cut the sugar and put in the exercise, beer is still the beverage for you. If you have a Ralph Kramden physique and lifestyle, stick with water. Keep 91 pre dialed on your phone.

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  2. When I was a kid I had a '70 Pig SS with a 396 and a Munci 4 speed. Too fast.

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  3. Daniel's version of "YOLO"
    "We go through this life exactly one time..."

    -I

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  4. I had to go lookup YOLO. I need to get out more :)

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  5. Slippery Pete's wife22 May 2014 at 21:20

    Hey! What's this about an evil planet?!?

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    Replies
    1. The Greek Titan Theia gave birth to the moon goddess Selene, just sayin'

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