Thursday 19 February 2015

Working in Montréal today --Don't point and please don't stare

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

"Please kill me, smother me with a pillow, end it for me", I asked Sharlene to promise, "please snuff me out should my existence serve only as an amusement for others".  This might be measured if during my more senior years and venturing out in public some stranger fawns over me with references to me in the third person like, "oh, he's so cute, he looks like Methuselah" or something to the effect.

Yes, kids, it's the "Let's infantilize our seniors" edition of the Pulp!

On the weekend Sharlene and went out for Valentine's Day dinner at a restaurant that is priced high enough that usually the socially disruptive are weeded out.

Fail, this weekend.

Yeah, I know, those words sounded like they emanated from such an elitist <expletive redacted>, but I'll have you know that I earned somewhere around $14.80 last year from the Google Ads in that column on the left so I'm doin' okay, can enjoy the exclusive restaurant scene now and then, 'specially with my best gal. Feel free to click on one, will help my retirement fund.

:) you're a funny guy Uncle Daniel

Thanks, let's get back to the table and what occurred next.

At the head of fairly large assembly of other patrons nearby was a woman well into her nonagenarian years celebrating a birthday.  At the table next to ours a woman carried on to her date, the table behind me, passerbys and everyone in earshot, "Oh she's so cute", and continued, "she looks like Hazel.. maybe she's her sister.. she is so cute!".

Please just put a fork into my brain.  There were so many problems with the fawning.. Let's dive in.  The woman did NOT look like past Mississauga mayor Hazel McCallion.  The only similarity that I saw was both women are topped off with white hair.  This particular woman had a much narrower face and oh never mind, she didn't look like Hazel! Moreover she was a grown woman!

And it continued. "Don't you think she looks like Hazel?", the fawner was asking someone sitting behind me, "She is so cute! Isn't she so cute?".  Sharlene rolled her eyes a bit and grinned a bit.  I assured Sharlene, "Don't worry, I'll smother you with a pillow too, we'll take each other out before it's too late, double mercy killing, murder-suicide by pillow if necessary.", I promised.

"How would that work?", Sharlene wondered out loud, I explained "We'll need an automatic self propelled smothering pillow, it'll work just fine".

I suppose this woman thought she was being outgoing, engaging and interested in her surroundings, and she was.  Much like a 3 year old before her mother explains that it is impolite to point at and speak about stranger's physical attributes.  Especially using your outside voice!

I did wonder at the time what response I could have provided to make the situation halt.  If my response escalated it, then it would only draw more attention to the woman who was otherwise minding her own business having birthday dinner with her family.

I feared that if I said something then this adjacent table buffoon might have challenged me with a loud voice, "what?!  you think she isn't cute?!".  No, that would not do.

I amused myself with imagining how a very quiet, "madam.." and then a finger to my lips with a "shhh... inside voice please", might work. But then I reconsidered, it would only work if I used my Sean Connery voice.  "Madam.. inside voice please."  

Ultimately she and her date made their exit prior to me deciding which voice and which arrangement of words might suffice; and the nonagenarian --she enjoyed her birthday dinner with her family.

Have a great day, don't point, don't stare, and please.. use your inside voice.


  1. Hey Daniel!! Over here at this table DANIEL.. HEY, what are you ordering, is SHARLENE WITH YOU? HEY WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME.. DANIEL!

  2. You can invent the automated smothering pillow now that assisted suicide has been declared legal by the supreme court. (for medical situations of course)