Working in Ottawa today --If you see Harry, tell him I said Hi

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Ottawa today.

This morning started out a bit jagged.  I broke tooth #46, lower right mandibular first molar.  Joy.  I then needed to grab a file and smooth out the sharp edges a bit using a dental mirror to see what I was doing.  Spit please.  The procedure went okay, but I had a hard time understanding what I was saying about holidaying in Barbados.  And.. rinse and spit again please.

I will attempt to nevertheless remain my usual jubilant self.

At the gate I lost my upgrade for the flight as the scheduled A320 was swapped out for a much smaller plane with fewer bus. class seats.... Oh never mind, as I just typed that, the gate agent boarded the aircraft dragged me out of 13F and back up to the comfy seats.  Wonder if she does emergency dentistry?

On with the Pulp.  

Last night was a slow TV night, sometime around midnight I found myself actually watching a show about some men running around a forest looking for Big Foot.  Sasquatch.  In Louisiana. oh yes.

Now usually people look in the U.S. north west, just like many look for Ogopogo  in B.C.'s Lake Okanagan and Nessie in Scotland's Loch Ness but I hadn't heard of anyone looking for the creature of the woods in the Gulf Coast.  Had they thought he lost his way and we're going to put him on a bus back to Washington state?

Nope.

They were going to kill him.

"Dead.  On a slab", the fellow with the Winchester 1200 snorted.

Now why, might you ask.   Why kill a bipedal hairy hominid who by all reports keeps to himself, lives off of a diet of roots and berries and shies away from any modern appliances and Hollywood gossip?

Two reasons.  The one fellow explained in the us vs. them scenario.  "Are we going to wait until it breaks into someone's house and seriously hurts or kills someone?".

Well..  with that kind of logic, I have a strong desire to do the same to him before he ends up on another TV show and seriously harms more of my brain cells.  I will remind all that no reports of attacks exist except 100 years ago some miners claimed that some large beast men ran them off throwing rock and growling at them.  So a claim-jumping beast wanted their gold.  Yeah.

And secondly, to prove the big guy exists.  Sort of: to prove he is alive, they will kill him.  "Those scientists want a body!" Well no, no scientist wants a dead big foot body, but rather most scientists assume that the few reports of our friend Harry are mis-identifications, confused observers, etc.   All very friendly terms used in place of stating the observer is likely a loon.  However, true that, show me the body, or better yet a live one and I too will become a believer.

But Uncle Daniel, isn't there one that was caught on film?

No.  There is a film that was made in 1967, the Patterson-Gimlin film, shows a tall guy in a fur ape suit (Bob Heironimus, friend of Patterson confessed that it was him) lumbering around near the edge of a clearing near Bluff Creek California.  Every time a show is made about Big Foot, that film is shown as "evidence".

I didn't watch the entire show, and instead opted for sleep, but I did mention to Sharlene that it will be a small miracle if one of those Louisiana boys don't end up killing one of their own.  They were all in the woods at night wearing Gillie suits armed with loaded weapons.

They all looked like a throwback to early man lumbering around the forest.

Have a good day.  If you see Harry, tell him I said Hi.

Working in Montréal today --Don't point and please don't stare

Good morning folks,

I will be working in Montréal today.

"Please kill me, smother me with a pillow, end it for me", I asked Sharlene to promise, "please snuff me out should my existence serve only as an amusement for others".  This might be measured if during my more senior years and venturing out in public some stranger fawns over me with references to me in the third person like, "oh, he's so cute, he looks like Methuselah" or something to the effect.

Yes, kids, it's the "Let's infantilize our seniors" edition of the Pulp!

On the weekend Sharlene and went out for Valentine's Day dinner at a restaurant that is priced high enough that usually the socially disruptive are weeded out.

Fail, this weekend.

Yeah, I know, those words sounded like they emanated from such an elitist <expletive redacted>, but I'll have you know that I earned somewhere around $14.80 last year from the Google Ads in that column on the left so I'm doin' okay, can enjoy the exclusive restaurant scene now and then, 'specially with my best gal. Feel free to click on one, will help my retirement fund.

:) you're a funny guy Uncle Daniel

Thanks, let's get back to the table and what occurred next.

At the head of fairly large assembly of other patrons nearby was a woman well into her nonagenarian years celebrating a birthday.  At the table next to ours a woman carried on to her date, the table behind me, passerbys and everyone in earshot, "Oh she's so cute", and continued, "she looks like Hazel.. maybe she's her sister.. she is so cute!".

Please just put a fork into my brain.  There were so many problems with the fawning.. Let's dive in.  The woman did NOT look like past Mississauga mayor Hazel McCallion.  The only similarity that I saw was both women are topped off with white hair.  This particular woman had a much narrower face and oh never mind, she didn't look like Hazel! Moreover she was a grown woman!

And it continued. "Don't you think she looks like Hazel?", the fawner was asking someone sitting behind me, "She is so cute! Isn't she so cute?".  Sharlene rolled her eyes a bit and grinned a bit.  I assured Sharlene, "Don't worry, I'll smother you with a pillow too, we'll take each other out before it's too late, double mercy killing, murder-suicide by pillow if necessary.", I promised.

"How would that work?", Sharlene wondered out loud, I explained "We'll need an automatic self propelled smothering pillow, it'll work just fine".

I suppose this woman thought she was being outgoing, engaging and interested in her surroundings, and she was.  Much like a 3 year old before her mother explains that it is impolite to point at and speak about stranger's physical attributes.  Especially using your outside voice!

I did wonder at the time what response I could have provided to make the situation halt.  If my response escalated it, then it would only draw more attention to the woman who was otherwise minding her own business having birthday dinner with her family.

I feared that if I said something then this adjacent table buffoon might have challenged me with a loud voice, "what?!  you think she isn't cute?!".  No, that would not do.

I amused myself with imagining how a very quiet, "madam.." and then a finger to my lips with a "shhh... inside voice please", might work. But then I reconsidered, it would only work if I used my Sean Connery voice.  "Madam.. inside voice please."  

Ultimately she and her date made their exit prior to me deciding which voice and which arrangement of words might suffice; and the nonagenarian --she enjoyed her birthday dinner with her family.

Have a great day, don't point, don't stare, and please.. use your inside voice.